


Ten Words

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:37:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John writes an email to his friends. Shenanigans ensue.</p><p>Crack. Written with Drk_Nexus in a turn-by-turn fashion. Unedited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Words

John typed out the phrase that could end his small bubble of happiness on the ship if he ever had the guts to press send. Who would have thought ten simple words could have the power to change so much? "Dave, Rose, Jade," he read aloud and winced at how even at sixteen his voice was still cracking. “I think I might actually be--” A clamor of footsteps from the outer hallway interrupted his train of thought. Casey popped a scaled head into the doorway, and through a mixture of intelligible sounds (due to a mouthful of cake!) and waving of arms, John figured he was needed somewhere.

John was relieved he wouldn’t have to send that terrible message so soon, but he still couldn’t let the thought of it escape his fragile mind. _Why would Aranea tell that to me?_ he thought as he shook his head and followed behind Casey at a slower pace. _She must have known it wasn’t my fault, so why would she want me to feel some of the blame like this? It could have something to do with the latest dream bubble the two had shared,_ he reasoned causing his cheeks to heat up and flush a bright candy red. “So where are you taking me Casey?” John asked as the salamander ran around the hull of the ship in apparently no direction. Oh god it better not be _that_ place John thought as his heart’s thumping became the only thing he could hear. His hands shook as he continued to follow Casey around, the energy that was currently (get this pun???) coursing (i get it, nice punning) through him needing some sort out outlet. Finally, Casey came to a stop just outside the room that once upon a time, three years ago, had been meant to be the room of the ship’s captain. But for the duration of the three year mind fuck, a different occupant had taken residency in that cabin, an occupant John was not looking forward to seeing. Jade’s Grandpa, known in another life as the man- John’s blush deepened as scenes from the dream bubble came to the surface of his mind once more.

With dreaded anticipation, John let his fingers glide over the polished knob on the door before grasping at it more firmly. His fingers held the knob in a loose, but forceful grip as the pink digits turned ever so slowly. The door made a creaking sound as it came open, enough to make John wince and bite his lip. “Ease up on the grip, lad,” said a gruff voice from within the room. “You wouldn’t want a repeat of last time, would you?” He gave John a rugged wink that made the boy tremble in awe of his elder adventurer’s audacity. “Why don’t you take a look at these plans?” the man said as he motioned John closer. With a start, John realized he would need to bend over to get a full look at the treasure map that lay across the table.

“Where do these maps lead to?” John asked, trying not to let his youthful voice get in the way of his forcefulness (and, of course, failing miserably at it).

With a wink the man replied, “The universe is a big place, m’boy. Big enough to hold many a place of wonder.” John was only wondering what Mr. Harley really meant by that.

“We need to be here,” John’s mentor said as he pointed to two bright blips on the map.

Planets, John realized as he looked at the map key. Why would there be planets out in the middle of nowhere in deep paradox space? “What planets are these?” John asked.

The man closed his eyes before replying, “It’s a long story”. He glanced at the clock and a smiled bloomed on his face. “But for you, I think I have the time. It all began when a monstrous entity began destroying planets...”

“That doesn’t explain anything,” John said belligerently. “I know of a lot of entities that are monstrous and destroy planets. In fact, there’s this one named Gozer who you should definitely watch out for.”

“Gozer?” the man questioned, causing John to blush and duck his head. It always sucked when he realized how much older the other man was. Well, in this universe anyway.

“I-it’s nothing,” John said. “Just a super powerful ghost from another universe.”

“John, this is no time for busting,” the old man said, sending a shiver up John’s spine.

“Well then, just tell me the damn names of the planets!” John said as he clenched his fingers into a fist and pounded the table a few times. He couldn’t help but notice the way Mr. Harley’s eyes followed the motion.

“It doesn’t matter,” the man said, not taking his eyes off John’s hand. “What matters is that you take those trousers off immediately and let me spank you like you want me to.” Harley licked his lips, knowing the moment of anticipation was at hand. His hand, specifically. And now that time was on his side, he would be sure to reach deep within John’s buttocks to pull out the thing he truly desired. It was not a matter of shame, but a matter of principle--John knew what he was getting himself into when he followed Casey to the captain’s quarters, as he knew every other time Casey called upon him for the world-renowned archeo-explorer to feast upon. And it was a savory meal every time, a meal Harley would never be able to get enough of. Even after three years, after John’s innocence had long expired, there was still a delectable aftertaste to be had from these weekly desserts. And that was when both men came to a shared conclusion... or at least, a 90% shared conclusion. “It will just be desserts from here on out, my boy,” Harley said as John rushed to obey his elder’s earlier command.

But for once in his life, John had something else in mind. For once in his life, John did not love his daddy. This biological spawngiver was a fraud fraught with frightful fiendishness, not wrought with delightful deviousness as he no doubt believed his devilfucking dickings to be. John would not stand for it any longer (though he realized the sentiment was lost as he was already bent over the table, head turned sideways and already being pushed into Harley’s painstakingly gathered maps by the weight of the big man’s right hand). No longer did he want to hide the scars of their meetings. No longer did he want to lie through omission to Jade when she asked what he was crying about after having “a dream about his dad”. No longer did he want to flip off the handle at Davesprite when his best bird bro jokingly asked if John wanted to see the big man get into some sicknasty sports piles. No longer did John want to take things as they came. He would fight back. He would rise to the occasion. He would show Jake Harley just what it means to be an Heir of Breath. _It’ll be just desserts from here on out_ , he affirmed.

John awoke with a start and looked around to see himself on the hull of the ship. Casey stared worriedly down at him. From the pain in his head and the ever so conveniently placed door he had run into, John deduced he had knocked himself out. _And right into a nightmare bubble._ John shivered as he recovered from his _completely natural_ concussion. If John were meta - which he decidedly was not - he would wonder if maybe that dream was some sort of lame metaphor. Something involving some orange, big-lipped creator and his fans. John shook his head. _Stop being crazy_ , he chided himself. He stood up and shaking legs, his pert ass bouncing in rhythm as he began following Casey once more.

This time the door he was lead to was much different. Instead of being the captains quarters it was- John gulped as he mentally prepared himself for the person within. “Hey John! :D” Aradia’s said as she stood in the frame of the now opened door. John wasn’t quite sure how she did it, but somehow her smile was so great that it transcended into her words themselves.

“H-hey Aradia,” John said still feeling a little rattled from his earlier dream. “Casey said you needed me for something?” John asked with a hopeful look in his eyes. Gosh, the days on this ship sure were getting boring! He needed something to keep himself busy.

After a few moments of Aradia staring at him (still smiling of course) with a tilted head, John realized something might be wrong here. _Oh gosh I really hope Casey brought me to the right place,_ John thought realizing he must look like an idiot right now.

“Yeah!!” Aradia practically shouted, the force of her voice almost pushing John off his feet--actually, John noticed, it DID push him off his feet. Good thing he could fly.

Using his ~amazing~ windy powers, John gently floated himself down to the ground. One concussion was more than enough for the day. “So...” He paused wondering if Aradia was going to tell him what she wanted. He let out a sigh as she just continued to stare at him. “So what exactly _did_ you want me for?”

“Well John,” Aradia began breathlessly, “It turns out I want _you_.”

“I, uh,” John stuttered, “I don’t think I have time for... whatever you mean.” What did she mean, anyway? “What do you mean, anyway?” John wanted to know what she meant. Anyway.

“All maidens want the heir,” Aradia said with a sensual smile. For not the first time in his life, John wondered why trolls were so matter-of-fact about some things, while so darn confusing about others.

“That’s, umm, pretty cryptic,” was all John could manage to reply.

“I know right?” Aradia said with a laugh. “Aranea told me to say it. Said it would freak you out. Looks like I did!” The smile on Aradia’s face was almost enough to keep John’s anger in check. Almost.

“But I’m the prankster here!”

Aradia gave John another playful wink. “Looks like I’ll be taking the prankster’s gambit on that exchange!” John grumbled quietly for a few seconds, something about Sassacre and gas stoves. Aradia wasn’t paying much attention to whatever it was.

“Alright, fine,” John said. “What do I need to do?”

“Oh, hmm.” Aradia closed her eyes as though trying to remember something. “That’s right! I need you to go finish whatever you were just doing. It is very important that The Email gets written.” Aradia ended her demand with a happy clap of her hands.

John stilled. _How did Aradia know about that?_ And more importantly...”Wait so you called me out here to tell me to finish the email? The email that I was working on _before_ you interrupted me?”

Aradia made a pleased noise as she nodded her head. “Yep!”

With another round of grumbles, John immediately turned around and headed back off in the direction he came from before that completely pointless interruption. _One hundred percent pointless_ , John thought as he walked back down the same hallways he always walked. _No reason whatsoever_. He reached for his door and---

Oh no.

Was that...

Orange ectoplasm?

It was too late to do anything about it now, John realized. He pushed open the door and---

“hey john whats the deal with this email you forgot to finish,” Davesprite said as soon as John entered the room.

“Uggggh,” John said. “Uuggggggggggghhhhhhhh. I’ll tell you when I finish it.” John walked back to his computer, pushing Davesprite out of the way as he went. Even with three years of experience in the field of ectobiology, John still couldn’t understand how Davesprite was sometimes tangible and sometimes not. Whenever John always tried bringing it up, Davesprite shrugged it off and said he was just “Schrodinger’s raven.” John did not like that answer.

And Davesprite did not like this answer. “no dude you have to tell me now, this is a federal fucking issue now.”

“Keep your dumb beaky nose out of it,” John snapped still upset from earlier events.

“wow who spat in your aj?” Davesprite said as his nose twitched self-consciously. At John’s lack of response he continued onward. “so what’s wrong bro?”

“I just got diddled by Jade’s Grandpa in a nightmare bubble and not the hot younger version” was what John wanted to say. But what he actually said was, “I just got diddled by Jad-- I mean, I don’t want to talk about it!”

Silence filled the room. It lasted for what seemed like minutes. “dude” Davesprite finally said. “shes your sister”

“I” John flailed his arms around and tried to correct the situation. “She’s also your ex” said John before he could help himself. _Oh shit_. _Nice one self._

“theres some lannister shit going up in here,” Davesprite said. “i think thats a bit more important than the bro code...bro”

As Davesprite continued to shake his head and mutter “your sister dude” John couldn’t help himself. “I meant Jade’s Grandpa!”

“oh” Davesprite said. Another long moment of silence passed, and again was broken by Davesprite. “ha damn my bro will be so jealous when i tell him” And before John had a chance to object to that heinously depraved idea, Davesprite ghosted through the door and out of sight.

Amidst mumblings of “That lame-o just went ahead and made himself intangible again” and “not the hot young one” John sat back down at his computer desk. _Time to finally finish this._ The fact that Aradia had warned him to send it only solidified his deep-seated need. The need that lay squirming away in the depth of his stomach. Ready to explode outward at the slightest touch.

“Dave, Rose, Jade,” John read aloud again, feeling the need to find where he left off even though the full text of the message was less than one line long, “I think I might actually be... trollkin. For a long time now I have identified not as a human with dark red blood, but as a mutant troll with candy red blood. For thirteen years I struggled with these feelings deep inside me, but it all came to the surface when I met Karkat. That glorious physique, that unstoppable leadership... On that day we all lost our families, I gained something far more important: an identity. From that day forth I knew that I had been born in the wrong body, just as Karkat had been. Our lives are not our own; they should have been each other’s. My precious Karkat would have been the most majestic human to walk the earth, and I have no doubt I would have been a despised mutant-blood of comparable infamy. I know this is a lot for you to take in, but I have faith that you’ll still accept me for who I am-- No, who I _should_ have been: Karkat Egbert the ghostbusting threshecutioner.”

With trembling hands John pressed down softly on the mouse, letting his instincts guide him. A gentle up and down bob was all it took. He clicked send.


End file.
